Coaching: Personality vs. Behaviour

Personality doesn’t change, but behavior does.

Rarely it happens during my counselling classes or coaching sessions to not talk about the personality – behavior analogy. In other words, about the fact that personality doesn’t change during a life course. Even so, us, as people, we change our behavior. We can get better, more efficient, more satisfied about WHO and WHAT we are, without changing our essence, but by intervening on the way we behave. It is rather a permanent adaptation.

The word “change”, most times scares us or creates a flight reaction. It’s our conservation instinct. It’s nothing pejorative. Certainly not. It’s normal (in the old days, it saved us from extermination as a species). This instinct sabotages any action that “changes” us. Consciously or not. But then, how do we get to know ourselves better or to become what we want?

Our behavior is what others “see”, they interpret, file it and value, NOT personality. We “search” for ourselves all of our life and we permanently have various surprises, no matter if we are 20, 30, 40, 60 or even 80. We are extremely complex and life offers us situations, contexts and challenges to discover and learn something about ourselves. It is important to incorporate all of this; to keep the goal of creating a beautiful, harmonious and stable self-image in mind, with which we can identify and feel comfortable, satisfied and fulfilled. To feel as ourselves: free and aware of WHO and WHAT we are.

It is true, though, that it’s not easy and not everyone can do it. It involves permanent self-awareness of what we do, what we say, what we feel, what we think and how we do all this. And after we managed this permanent self-awareness, we start to have all kinds of insights about ourselves. And what do we do with them? It’s the same situation as when you already know all the letters, but we have yet to learn how to form words, how to pronounce or write them. You realize is still a long road until writing your own novel.  Or, at least, your first poem. You realize you need to use de resources around you. Some are technical, some are inspirational or motivational etc. Some are free, some cost you physical or psychic effort and other even cost you money. It’s up to you to do a ”feasibility study”, a strategy or an action plan, if you establish a tool to help you measure intermediate or final results or a lot more; all of those need to be aligned with the goal you want to reach.

Briefly, a coaching process is something like this. It might seem more complex than it is, but it’s a process where you are not alone. You have someone who offers you support, feedback and, even “resources”.

Given the fact that, in life, everything is a sale-purchase process, being self-aware is really important.

Yes, being aware of your personality or, at least, some of your core traits, is really important. Both for you, as a human being, and for those closest to you etc. And it gives you more efficacy in a coaching process for knowing your own behavior or how you put them in action. Because your behavior will be the subject of the changes you will do, not your personality.

Therefore, know yourself! And become the best person you can be!

Did you like this article? We discuss how to generate innovation in the company within the Coach Manager course, part of the Next Level Management program designed to develop management skills that can be passed on immediately to the job.